Just Plain Weary…

I’ve gotten past the weary in the waiting part after almost two weeks of the blahs (due to a rejection, what else) and just when I feel I can pick myself up off the floor and leave my pity party (and actually start writing again) I get slammed in the face with another issue.

Lack of support for my writing. (and the discussion of the value of writing conferences)

I don’t talk about it much or at all here, but I’m getting tired of justifying why I spend so much time writing (though it’s been considerably less over the years) and I’m tired of trying to convince family members this is not just a hobby but a career and life long dream that was birthed in me by God when I was about ten years old. I put my writing down for 10 years to raise kids and devote to my family, but it’s never been received well, especially because I went a little overboard when I first picked it up again. But God dealt with me on his own terms and I set writing aside for almost a year to reprioritize. My priorities aren’t always perfect, but my family is far from neglected!

I get tired of them not understanding why it’s important to go to writer’s conferences, and I get tired of their silent mantra “show me the money!” (I’m using “their” as a generalization to protect the not so innocent!)

I’m not making money, therefore I’m not a real writer.

I’m not making money, therefore it’s just a hobby.

I’m not making money, therefore I should give it up and not spend so much time doing it.

I’ve never read a dedication page that said “Thanks to my wonderful family for questioning my writing career, nagging me about not making money, and complaining about how much time I spend doing this thing that’s not making me any money!”

No, dedication pages are all about the support and understanding of these family members. Maybe that’s what makes a writer… the support they have to follow their dreams and the tenacity to never give up.

So, what do I do? Continue this battle, wage war silently and do what I can, putting writing further and further on the back burner or just turn off the gas all together? Don’t think I could live with that prospect, especially when it hasn’t come from the mouth of God. Or maybe this is the enemies way of defeating me… I’m almost there, but I also know I’m way to stubborn to be defeated. In fact, things like this make me fight harder and harder until I get what I want or keel over in exhaustion…which very well may happen.

Not sure what the answer is except prayer and lots of it!