Stuck

I wrote this a week ago thinking it wasn’t done yet. But then decided to post as is, with all it’s imperfections and heart. I’m still a bit stuck, but have landed on solid ground!

Why is it just when things start to move, when my life seems headed in the right direction, when I’m doing all things…okay, most things right, I get stuck?

After a month of not writing and feeling like I was wandering around LOST on the island of confusion (yeah, notice the clever imagery) I find a glimmer of hope. My witty, albeit, bad poem was recognized for the horrible genius it was. But the victory was short lived when I didn’t final in a major writing contest. A contest a published writing friend encouraged me to enter because my story was that good. Obviously, it wasn’t good enough, and while I’m not completely discouraged, I’ve had a minor set back. The raft I’d built and started to paddle out to sea had sprung a leak.

Still I was floating and moving forward off the dreaded island. I had other victories to hold tight too as the waves began crashing over the sides of the raft. I had lost a significant amount of weight, more than I’d lost in a long time. But suddenly, the scale stopped being kind, though I’ve been doing all the right things. And my raft began to break apart.

Why? I cried out to my creator.

Why does it have to be so hard? Is it too much to have a little victory in my life? But all I heard in return was the wind. The howling, obnoxious wind reminding me I was alone. Yet, I knew that was a lie as I held onto my raft, shivering in the downpour that just started.

Figures!

Alone and wet, I shivered, wondering, waiting, wailing. Then the rain stopped, and the sun came out. A rainbow appeared. Suddenly I noticed the warmth. Seeing there was nothing out to sea for miles, I began paddling back to shore with my bare hands.

Finally, not making headway, I lay down on the raft of my own making, exhausted, defeated, realizing I couldn’t go on without Him.

Him.

How long had it been since I spent time with Him. Since I called on Him for help?

Too long.

When had I closed myself off to Him? It didn’t happen overnight, but slowly by slowly, little by little, while I was getting busy, He was the one drifting further and further away.

But the island was in sight and without thinking I plunged into the sea and swam. My body was weary, my arms weak. I didn’t know if I’d make it. “Lord, help me. I need you. I can’t do it on my own any longer.”

Up out of the water rose a huge wave, not threatening, but comforting. As my body tumbled inside the wave two things became apparent. I would either die or make it to shore. But at least I wouldn’t be struggling or alone.

Where are you? Are you alone on an island or paddling out to see? Either way, call out to Him for you are not alone!

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16